StephenDouglas

4/16/10

Eating: Homemade Vegetable soup, Chicken Salad Sandwich, and way too much pizza.

Drinking: Various Sixpoint beers on Draft, water, and Red Tea

Watching: X-Files Season 2 and Skins Season 4 (still hooked)

Reading: About to begin Geek Love by Katherine Dunn

I can really feel change coming. That, and it is about to start raining. The past few weeks have been tumultuous to say the least. Thesis projects have been turned in, and it is anything but a relief.

I keep mentally preparing myself with checklists: Finish thesis, go to class, find an apartment, fix this apartment, etc. etc.
Now that one step is completed, the rest seem only more daunting. It is a relief to not have to spend countless hours hunched over my laptop scrutinizing the minute differences in takes and edits that I’ve been living with for the past 3-4 months.

I’ve been scoping out apartments, but this whole process is starting to weigh on me. I just want it to be finished, but all I can think about is how things should’ve or could’ve gone differently. Not a good way to think. Do I get an apartment by myself? How much will that cause me to stress and struggle to afford my very own place right out of school? Is it even possible? If not, will I be able to find a place to move into? If I do, what will I do about all of my stuff? How do I even go about moving all of my stuff when I haven’t seen many of my friends around in the past few months even?

So many questions, but today marks the beginning of some sort of forward movement. I am starting to pack some of my belongings, throw out probably too many, and clean up my disaster of a room. Tonight if I get to it, I may even start painting my walls. This whole weekend is about getting things ready for the big move.

Here’s a timeline:
In less than a month, school is finished.
In 17 days I will have some work of mine screened at BAM, in a real theater, for the first time ever.
15 days from now I need to be out of my current apartment, and living somewhere else.
Next weekend I start back working at Rocky’s for Lobster Nights on Fridays and Saturdays.

Everything is changing. The end of highschool was 4 years ago. I’m 21. College is over in a month. My first highschool reunion is next year. I have to be on my own in a month. It all makes me want to disappear. I don’t think I’m ready for this, but the idea of being ready for changes in life hasn’t ever made much sense. It will all just happen, and it will keep happening.

I’ve been spending a lot of time at Sweet Revenge lately. In between teaching Courtney how to juggle and just winding down after work, I’ve managed to go through a lot of money and really lose touch with a lot of my friends here. This year has been the most changing, and in particular splitting, years of my life. It seems like once again everyone or everything I’ve gotten close to is going to be distanced in some way in the next month. Not all is bad, it just is.

So today I’m starting my initiative to be better prepared. Roommates are out of town, so I am afforded the opportunity to spread out while I clean house and strip down to what I need, not what I have. In addition to all of the home organization, I’m going to try to get back into a morning exercise routine tomorrow. Too many beers, not nearly enough exercise.

Honestly, I cannot wait to be on the next chapter of my life, but all this prep work is exhausting!! That’s all for now.